I`m thinking about you, my beloved sister, hoping you found the peace and happiness that you longed for your entire life, in the arms of Allah subhanahu wa taala. I am sorry I could not be there for you and hold you in my arms as your soul left this world.
Since the day I left our family, when I was 16, to search for the way of Allah subhanahu wa taala, I prayed that you find your own path to forgiveness and come beside me. Have you ever thought about forgiving me for my choice to leave? I will never know the answer to this question. What I know and what I have as a strong memory is the sight of you, waving from our room window when I left.
I remember how we used to go to school together and you were always the brave one. How you were protecting me when older girls were mean, making fun of my stuttering. In a way, I always felt that I owed you, as we were growing up, to be persistent in my efforts to grab you out of that life of misery.
When I found out that you got married, I thought that Allah subhanahu wa taala will bless you, as it blessed me, with a husband able to guide, to cherish, and support you to find the stability you needed so bad.
When our mother called me to tell me that you began using drugs, I cried and suffered for many weeks as I knew that if you would’ve accepted to come with me, your life could’ve been free of this evil things. Even so, my prayers included you every time, and my thoughts were always longing for your beautiful blue eyes.
I was very happy finding out that you gave birth to my nephew, but I had a strange feeling of something bad that was going to happen, as our mom was telling me that both you and your husband are using drugs and that you were not able to build a proper home for your child.
The image of your trailer burning is still haunting me and will probably haunt me forever, as I pray that it was an accident, because of drug abuse, and not pure intention of you or your husband to end your lives and my nephew’s life in such a sinful manner.
How could you leave this life and not respond to my endless calls? How could you not try to do better with your life? If only you had found the right path and come towards Islam! Maybe one day I will find an answer that would comfort me…
As I am writing this to you, my beloved sister, I am watching my two boys, playing with my husband in our beautiful garden, as Allah subhanahu wa taala blessed us. I pray and hope that Allah subhanahu wa taala will forgive you and accept you and your family in his arms.
AISHA
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