In a European country led by political and economic interests, feeling rather incomplete, I was trying to find a way to (re)discover myself. There was no rest for me.
I started browsing the Internet day and night for a source of inspiration, something that was able to show me that there was more in life than making money, revealing your body, having casual relationships like other girls my age did…
I was just 18, but I knew that there must be something more spiritual, more soulful than going clubbing in tiny, almost inexistent clothes, dancing with boys who always try to touch you and even use you for their own pleasure, drinking alcohol or smoking or even doing drugs…
As I was scrolling on social media, I saw a post. The woman was writing about her story, her path to a religion of dignity, purity, faith and love. She was describing Islam as a long road to finding your true self. Her love for Allah was fascinating. I was wondering how could someone be so selfless and dedicate her life for an entity like she did?
Those thoughts made me curious to find out what Islam meant. I started my research and so I discovered the Holy Qur’an, Allah subahanahu wa taala and The Prophet sallaAllahu aleihi wa sallam. It was just the beginning of my journey.
As I was reading more and more about Islam and what being a Muslimah meant, I was considering converting to Islam. There was a problem though. My family was islamophobic. How was I going to tell my mother and father about the fact that their only child, their little princess, was going to be a revert? I was sure that they would be extremely disappointed in me. Maybe even angry with me. What if they were going to reject me as their daughter?
Despite my concerns, I made the decision. Everything I learned about Muslims made me think that there was no way of being happy for me if I didn’t make that step.
There was a masjid where women were gathering close to my parents’ house, so one day I decided to go there at prayer time. After doing their ritual, the women formed small groups, talking about their families, new recipes they tried out and debating about the Quran and all sorts of topics regarding Islam. There, I deepened my research about Islam, discovering books like Riyad as-Saliheen, al-Sira al-Nabawiyyah, Sahih Muslim and Sahih al-Bukhari hadith collection, which are essential for a true Muslim.
I built up my courage and approached one of the groups. Shyly, I asked them if they can help me. They were looking at me rather confused, not knowing why a random 18 year-old girl was popping out of the blue.
I tried to explain to them the best way I could that I can’t find my place in a world full of promiscuity, money and political interests and that I wanted to become a Muslim. I saw their faces brighten up. They started telling me that they were so happy to hear that and explaining me what I was supposed to do.
The next day, I showed up at the masjid ready to say the shahada and have my new start. That moment was the most special one of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the same. It seemed like my whole body was empowered, my mind was clearer.
As I was walking back home, my heart started pounding in my chest. I was anxious as I was about to tell my parents about it. They were going to find out that their Christian daughter has been considering to become a Muslim for six months and now she finally did it, despite their disapproval for Muslims and their faith.
I walked through the door with my head down, still thinking about what I was supposed to tell them, but no idea came to my mind.
My parents were hanging out in our living room, watching TV and scrolling on their phones. I told them I needed to tell them something. They both put their phones down and started listening to what I was saying. As I was trying to find my words, they were waiting impatiently for me to say something.
Finally, the words came out of my mouth like a tornado. As I was speaking, I saw my parents widen their eyes, not believing what I was saying. My father stood up and started to walk around the room angrily. I was scared but I continued to tell them the whole story.
When I finished, my parents were in shock, just as I was expecting. And honestly, I think there were worse things in life for parents to be angry about, like getting pregnant at a young age or something, like some of my colleagues did. But no, they were angry about me finding Allah and Islam.
My father started shouting as if I killed someone, telling me that there wasn’t a bigger disappointment like me.
After this huge fight in my family, I decided to run away. I found shelter at the masjid and talked with the women there that I wanted to find a good Muslim to marry and live my old life behind.
After a couple of months, my new Muslim friends introduced me to the man who was going to be my husband. He was living in Syria. After the preparations for the wedding, I moved to Syria to marry him.
My life changed. I got to live in a Muslim country where traditions and the Holy Qur’an were respected.
I was 20 when I got pregnant with our first child. We were happy that our family was growing. We wished for a big family since the beginning of our marriage.
Now I’m 21 and we’re expecting our second little miracle.
I haven’t spoken to my parents since I left Europe. I left them a message to let them know that I’m alright and happy with my new life as a Muslimah. I hope that they will forgive me at some point but until then, I’m going to live my life in Islam and love for Allah ezzawajal.
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